Biography of the American Aristocracy...Except Not

Since the "About Me" section leaves much to be desired, I am hereby copy-and pasting a small biography I wrote in my Magazine Writing class.

Elizabeth Miller is a 21 going on 74 year old student at St. Edward's University, and is an English Writing and Rhetoric major with a minor in Political Science, which might as well be called nap time. Elizabeth grew up in the small East Texas town by the name of Lufkin, which is steeped in pine trees and is the county seat of Angelina County; a dry county until 2006 (a roaring good time). Due to her upbringing she is fond of the elderly because they are full of wise sayings, intolerance, and speak with brutal honesty and a little bit of acid reflux.

Elizabeth's heroes include her mother, father, and Bruce Wayne. She is an avid reader of both comic books and the bible...which actually resemble each other more than you might think. Elizabeth's rhetorical idol is Abraham Lincoln, whom she hopes to emulate one day by being an extremely tall motivational speaker. She has just had an amazing conversation with the man of her dreams, and she has decided that she would like her tombstone to read, "Here lies Elizabeth Miller. She preferred crayons to colored pencils".